12 Rules Of The Road
Anne McCue’s 12 Rules of The Road (This is only a glimpse of the Many Rules Of The Road I have collected)
1. If you are driving on the freeway, don’t exit UNLESS you can see the gas station from the freeway. Otherwise, you may be driving several miles to fill up, and there may not be an on-ramp to get back on the freeway if it’s a Podunk exit.
2. If you have a band with you (lucky you!), tell everyone in advance that you don’t pay for speeding tickets!
3. Public restrooms are the worst aspect of travelling. As a rule of thumb, Mickey Dee’s seem to have the cleanest ones. But don’t be tempted to eat the food, ever! If you are making a stop, use the restroom, even if you don’t really need to… You never know when your next stop will be.
4. Coffee is less than a problem than it used to be… If you don’t see a Starbucks from the freeway, Mickey Dees now has a form of ‘latté’ that will keep you awake. But don’t eat the food, ever!
5. Have a glass of orange juice every morning…
6. Eat a banana and an apple EVERYDAY.
7. If you are a woman travelling alone with long hair, have a hat to wear at night. If a car pulls alongside you on the freeway and won’t go away, don’t look!! Instead, get on your cell phone and pretend to make a call.
8. If you have to eat fast food, and sometimes you will, Jack In The Box seems to have the best choice of healthier options. The food at Cracker Barrel is consistent and when you are checking out, you can ask them if they are still against employing gay wait staff.
9. If you are a woman travelling alone, don’t ever look the guys at truck stops in the eye, and dress down for the road, you will attract less unwanted attention.
10. Take a large envelope for your receipts and enter them all into Quicken when you get home. I’ve never done this but I hear it’s the way to go.
11. If you are Australian, Irish or English, take a box of your favourite tea with you and an electric kettle. A small cooler in the car will keep your milk cool. Fill a plastic bottle with water and freeze it whenever you get a chance to keep milk and beer cool.
12. If you’re driving in the middle of the night and think this could be the end, put a really cool CD in the player. It will make you less panicky, and if they do find your car down the side of the mountain, it’s better that you were listening to say, John Lee Hooker than Bread, for your last aural fix. And it will read better in your biography: “And the last song she ever heard was, ‘One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer’…