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Remember Jay the right way

I’m still waiting for songs to be written
Songs I know you’ll never hear.
Don’t you think that I already know?
All at once I’m so shy now that you’ve been bitten
It’s a seed but I hope that you know that we can’t let it grow
I’ll be laughing at your jokes tonight.
I’m always lost in my head
I’ll be bumming all your smokes tonight
Though you think I’d be better off dead
-- "Drinkin' On Your Dime" (Jay Bennet & Edward Burch)

Back in 2002, I was asked by No Depression to write something about Wilco’s challenging year leading up to the release of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, and in the course of writing that piece I had the chance to talk to Jay Bennett a couple of times – lengthy night time calls where he opened up about the tribulations of that time and the joy he was experiencing in his post-Wilco career.

I think Jay called me after the publication of the article to tell me he thought I had been fair (to my mind, the highest compliment you can pay a journalist). Subsequent to that day, he contacted me again to ask if I was interested in writing about his reaction to Sam Jones’ documentary covering that period – I Am Trying To Break Your Heart. What, I asked, was the issue? He hemmed and hawed and said that he was bothered by how some things were portrayed. I told him it was hard for me to talk to him about the movie as I had not seen it at that point. He promised to dispatch me a copy and we would talk and clear the air, but I got the feeling he regretted calling me with this request even as he was making it.

No copy of the movie arrived, no air-clearing conversation occurred. And I would not see IATTBYH until a couple of months later at a local theater. Then it was obvious which scene had vexed Bennett – the one where he and Tweedy bicker about an edit on the album, and the tiff appears to climax with Tweedy running to the bathroom to vomit. I can only assume Bennett feared the scene would become emblematic of his role within Wilco. His fears were to some degree founded. One website yesterday headlined his passing thus:

“Jay Bennett, 45, Former Member Of Wilco, Antagonist In Doc I Am Trying To Break Your Heart …”

Antagonist?

When I read that word, I felt sickened. Jay Bennett was the protagonist of some of the finest contemporary music made in the last 20 years.

He was a ridiculously talented multi-instrumentalist. He was a gifted arranger and producer. an entertaining performer. He showed spark as a singer and songwriter. To me, he was a brutally honest conversationalist who was exceedingly generous with his time and insights, just as he was generous with his music.

The story of what happened to Wilco in the past couple of years isn’t always a happy tale, but it does have a happy ending.

That’s how I began my piece on Wilco and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (In Through The Out Door, No Depression #39, May-June 2002). Today, the optimism I saw for Bennett (and that he saw for himself) rings more than a little hollow. But it’s also emblematic of how positive and forward looking he was at the time. Bennett was surprisingly open about his experiences. Initial despair about his split with Wilco quickly gave way to a furious spurt of musical creativity. Bennett sent me demos for what became The Palace At 4 AM (Part 1) (an album he recorded with Edward Burch), and the subsequent finished record delivered on the promise of those demos. I think I liked the later acoustic version of the record – Palace 1919 – even more. I was convinced he was on the threshold of a promising new career as a singer songwriter.

Before the article appeared, Jay was in Toronto with Burch to perform at the Horseshoe Tavern and to prepare for a gig he’d landed producing a local act. We spent the better part of an evening together backstage and then out scouting a couple of studios. Jay was again optimistic, upbeat. He put on a great show with Burch and my main memory is of the three of us backstage talking about our admiration for Rockpile: he and Burch were frantic to track down a bootleg video of a documentary on the band that they believed had been filmed in Canada. Could I help them acquire a copy?

Bennett’s perspective on what would happen post-Wilco seemed to be that the only measure of success would be his personal happiness. Nothing else seemed to matter. He had his home studio. He had a creative partnership with Burch. He was a newlywed. Far from being a destructive thing, the challenging experience of making Yankee Hotel Foxtrot would not be the unmaking of one group, but spur on the creation of two uniquely fine recording acts.

As it turned out, Wilco went on to become an even more popular band (let the blogosphere argue about whether they are still as worthy a group); Jay kept making music as an independent artist. Yesterday, I downloaded what may be Bennett’s last completed album, a record he gave away to the world called Whatever Happened I Apologize. It is difficult to listen to in the current circumstance which is not at all a commentary on the quality of the work.

I went back through my notes from that ND article and I noticed something odd. In my initial contact with Jay to arrange an interview, he must have asked me to be sure to ask him in our subsequent conversation for his taking-out-the-garbage story. And so I did.

It turned out that Bennett had been married 12 days before we spoke. His mother had passed on a family heirloom for the ceremony – the bride-and-groom figurines that adorn the top of the wedding cake (or “cake topper,” as Bennett called it). After the ceremony (which had included Bennett singing Leonard Cohen’s “Bird On A Wire” and Burch doing “Turn! Turn! Turn!”), guests began cleaning up from the party. But the groom ordered his guests to stop.

“I was like, don’t clean up. Don’t clean up! Don’t do it! They had started taking out the garbage and the recycling. I just had this vibe…”

A couple of days later, he discovered the antique cake topper was missing. Cue a frantic search. Bennett, ever mindful of his anti-trash “vibe,” still hadn’t taken out the junk from the festivities. On a hunch, he dumped out the garbage on his garage floor.

“I was down on my hands-and-knees going through cake goo and coffee grounds and emptied ashtrays. It was charming,” he told me.

Luckily, the cake topper was there amid the detritus.

Luckily, he'd had the hunch to call off the immediate post-wedding clean-up campaign.

And as Jay figured it, luckily he had been lazy enough not to promptly remove the trash.

“I hadn’t taken out the garbage that day. It was one of those times when irresponsibility paid off.”

Yes, he laughed when he said that.

Comment by Kimberely Grant on May 26, 2009 at 5:50pm: Thanks for this.

Comment by Ron Frankl on May 26, 2009 at 6:21pm: Beautiful post, Paul. I've been thinking about Jay almost non-stop for two days now, and I spent this afternoon listening to his music. Besides the loss to his loved ones, what makes me saddest is that he's gone without most people ever being aware of his music. This guy was a major talent, and The Palace at 4 A.M. is a brilliant album, possessing much of the musical joy that was essential to Summerteeth. I'm a little angry that it took his death for most people to learn Jay Bennett's name; I just hope that their curiosity leads them to discover his music as well.

Comment by David Shaw on May 26, 2009 at 6:53pm: Wonderful post ... and finally someone else remembers the acoustic version of Palace ... I thought that was a false memory like my UFO sighting ... does that not count as another Jay record? (I never heard it but remembered hearing about it somewhere.)

Comment by Michael A. Becker on May 26, 2009 at 6:56pm: I felt bad about Bennett's passing. I have a 22 year old son who is a Wilco fan and when he was home last week I made him watch "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" in order to speak poorly about Jay Bennett. Shame on me. I tried several times to enjoy his solo stuff but never got there. All of that having been said the early Tweedy after Uncle Tupelo would have had a much harder longer time without him. R.I.P. As my dad said, only the good go young.

Comment by David Shaw on May 26, 2009 at 7:44pm: Found the acoustic Palace at eMusic tonight but they're calling it The Palace at 4 am (acoustic). I had my memory jogged today that there are two Bennett/Tweedy and two Woody Guthrie penned songs on the album. Plus contributions by Ken Coomer, Max Johnston and John Stirratt.

Comment by Linda Ray on May 26, 2009 at 10:57pm: Undertow's Jay Macklin says Jay was in a good place. Read his full statement in this Austin 360 item.

Comment by Ron Frankl on May 27, 2009 at 5:10am: Here is the Undertow statement in full, which they sent out to everyone on their mailing list:

Our good friend Jay Walter Bennett left us this weekend. As news hits the wires so instantaneously these days, we thought it was important to share some thoughts about our friend and brother before any rumors got out of hand.

First, let it be known that Jay was in a really good place these past few years. He had returned to the area he loved--the “Twin Cities,” Champaign-Urbana--and resurrected his studio, Pieholden Suite Sound, with the assistance of many dear friends and allies. Jay had been busy making music. He recently had released an intimate record entitled “Whatever Happened I Apologize,” and he was looking forward to wrapping up his new work, “Kicking at the Perfumed Air.” Proud of finishing a trilogy of records, including “Bigger Than Blue,” “The Beloved Enemy,” and “The Magnificent Defeat,” Jay loved the balanced yet ironic album titles. He was also looking forward to engineering and releasing Titanic Love Affair’s previously unreleased record, as well as starting work on “The Palace at 4 a.m. Part II,” the follow-up to his post-Wilco debut with Edward Burch. “Jay the Academic” had also reemerged, pursuing his umpteenth degree at the University of Illinois, and he was thrilled to be t aking graduate classes again.

As many of you may be aware, Jay had finally found the courage to put his Wilco issues out into the public forum. After a long, four-year process (and therefore very much unrelated to his impending hip surgery), formal filings against Wilco were finally initiated. This task was very emotional for Jay. He was a “lover,” and this confrontation was not easy for him. With the exception of his final period in Wilco, Jay looked back on his time in the band with great fondness and pride. While he was dismayed that some people may have formed a narrow perception of him via the “documentary,” all who truly knew him understood that with most entertainment media, editing is usually constructed for dramatic effect and presents only a small part of a larger, more complex reality.

So, please spend some time this week engaging in Jay’s favorite passions: listen to a Nick Lowe album, watch some Mythbusters on Discovery, play Warren Zevon’s “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner,” rent Pay It Forward (one of his favorite movies), write a song with the TV on and the sound off, and focus on how Jay always concluded his communications:

“Love, Jay.”

Comment by Ceci Gilson on May 27, 2009 at 9:13am: thank you for this. a sad day.

Comment by RJ Kennedy on May 27, 2009 at 10:16am: I was fortunate enough to hear him hit a few sonic grand slams live.

RIP, Jay Bennett.

Comment by Manuel Avalos on May 27, 2009 at 10:27am: When I heard the news yesterday afternoon I too was saddened. This past year has not been a good one for the many great musicians we have lost. I have never been enamored with the music of Wilco under Tweedy's direction, but I did think Bennett was a great musician. When he split I thought more power to him and I thought the music he did post Wilco was very good. I have been a fan of Dave Edmunds and the Rockpile era for a long time so it is interesting for me to read he was a fan of theirs.

Peace,