A citizens' action group called E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. has started a petition to ban assault guitars and to demand that guitar stores must do more thorough background checks on  people who purchase guitars and amplifiers. 

A spokesperson for the group claimed that "random people, many who are tone deaf, can just walk into a store and buy a triple humbucker electric guitar without any background checks as to whether they have had an ear test or have exhibited signs of bad musical taste in the past."

E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. claims that the NGA (National Guitar Association) is mostly responsible for the plethora of bad notes heard reverberating through U.S. bars and restaurants. They believe there has been an upswing  in guitar attacks in recent years, with deaths from 'awful music' nearly tripling in the last decade.

The NGA has said they are still composing a response.  

Opponents of E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. have argued that the 2nd Amendment gives people the right to buy as many guitars as they want with as many pickups in them as they choose.

But E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. states that there may be a loophole in the 2nd Amendment regarding the purchase of guitar amplifiers, or as they call it, 'ampunition'.

"They may have the right to bear guitars," said the spokesperson, 'but they don't necessarily have the right to bear ampuniton. Guitars without amps are much less dangerous and we suggest that the government restrict the amount of watts a tone deaf or musically challenged person can buy." They suggest  that 5 watts would be an acceptable limit for weekend warriors.

"The readily available 200 watt amplifier is definitely overkill and has proven disastrous when launched upon an unsuspecting audience." 5 deaths from 200 watt amps were recorded in January alone.

As far as acoustic guitars go, it is recommended by E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. that complete amateurs with bad taste not be allowed to purchase acoustic guitars which have inbuilt electronic pickups. "Because these guitars can be played very loud," said the spokesman. "We don't believe that the 2nd Amendment means that  just anyone can turn up to 11."

He continued, "The fate of the music lover is in the hands of the senate and lobbyists for the NGA. We plead with our representatives to see this as a human rights issue - that is, the right to go into a bar knowing that we are entering a safe listening environment. Guitars are not just for any Joe Blow to bash away at. People who operate guitars should have a background of experience, knowledge, skill and most importantly, good taste."


Side Note:

E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S.* was started by Rupert Vandythrop, who lost a dear friend whilst innocently sitting in a bar in Nashville when an 'artist' started playing the guitar in one key and singing in another at a very loud volume through an untuned P.A.  Vandythrop's friend suddenly keeled over, clutching her ears. Splayed on the floor in spasms of pain, the woman's last words were, "You can't sing an E over an E flat chord..." Jazz afficionados have taken issue with this claim but the NJA (National Jazz Association) have since sent condolences to the woman's family.  Besides, the 'artist' in question was playing country music, not jazz.

*No-one is completely sure what E.A.R.P.L.U.G.S. actually stands for.

Views: 2673

Tags: amplifier, amps, anne, assault, earplugs, guitar, humbuckers, mccue, noise, pickups, More…weapons

Comment by Kyla Fairchild on February 21, 2013 at 9:33am

Well done Anne!  Nice post, thanks for sharing it with us.

And in case anyone isn't familiar with Anne's music she definitely has passed her background check!

Here she is doing one of my favorites:

And here is Ballad Of An Outlaw Woman:

Comment by Kyla Fairchild on February 21, 2013 at 10:55am

The Face Book comments on this post are so good I have to share:


Comment by Rudyjeep on February 22, 2013 at 8:11am

Love this Anne.....but if you come for my guitar....you'll have to take it out of my cold, dead hands. 

Comment by Jereme Wheeler on February 23, 2013 at 9:16pm

Not much I can say except outstanding.

Comment by Jim Hunter on February 25, 2013 at 11:21am

Well done Anne...and I will stand by your right for you to keep your axe, and whatever ampunition you may carry as well.

Comment by jean mann on March 8, 2013 at 12:17pm
NICE job, Anne! :) my tenor guitar has broken many a law... http://jeanmann.net
Comment by Jim Swalley on April 1, 2013 at 5:10am

I would think they'd leave my black powder old Harmony alone (no magazine), but how about my Saturday night special (Squier Strat)?  Then again, I can be deadly with both!


You need to be a member of No Depression Americana and Roots Music to add comments!

Join No Depression Americana and Roots Music


If you enjoy this site please consider helping us with a small donation!

Don't like PayPal? Mail a check to: No Depression, 460 Bush St., San Francisco, CA 94108

When you shop at Amazon please enter through this search box and No Depression receives a referral fee



Created by No Depression Feb 17, 2009 at 9:06pm. Last updated by No Depression Sep 24, 2012.